They're so big, I'm small.

Coming home from school, my daughter tells me, "mama, I didn't get so much stars," showing me her hands. I curiously asked, but why darling? 

My heart was broken when I heard her answer. 

"Because Mama, my classmates are so big and I'm small and I couldn't reach it."

But then I am reminded that she is now three years old and will get lots of moments like this. 

I went about my afternoon, going thru the hustle bustle of a Wednesday and  completely imagining what could I possibly tell Julia that she will understand. 

So tonight, I played with her. Bathe her and had a good time like we always do. When she was all clean and fresh, I prompted her in front of me and told her I needed to talk to her. She looks into my eye waiting for me to talk. 

Deep breath.

Julia, when you were born, God made you so special. 

Remember the time when you were a baby and the doctors had to fix your hip? 

She nods herself. She remembers everything by the way.

And I knew she's a big girl and can handle what I was going to say next.

Darling, they had to fix your bones because you have Dysplasia. 

Can you say Dysplasia?

"Deespleeeesia she tells me."

So when there are times that you

can't reach and can't simply get more stars, always remember how God made you. 

I tell her with ease. 

And love, it's okay if you don't get so much stars, at least you've got some already.

So I flash a question to check if she got me.

Julia, why didn't you get so much stars?

"because Mama, my classmates are so big and I can't reach it"

But why I ask even more?

"I'm small." She adorably tells me so.

Why are you small? I ask some more.

"because Jesus made me special."

That'll do for now. 

My sweet little Julia.

Here she is before going to a party. 

To Sabel on your 3rd month.

I find myself candidly staring at you at 3 in the morning on a cold Saturday. I just finished feeding you and you're now doing your hourly stretch. 

Here I am admiring every second of what seems to be such a graceful act of yours. Beaming with pride on how lovely you've become all in 3 months time. 

I examine every single detail of your face and body and again, again and again. Just like that, I can't help but giggle every time I come across the jiggly parts of your body. You're such a chunky little darling! 

You've managed to carry yourself, proudly carrying your weight as you bring your head to center, balancing here and there, you've manage to stand tall with ease and pride. As we carry you, you position your legs and make it dangle here and there, so strong and so lean. You've mastered the art of putting your hands close to your mouth imagining the simple pleasures of having icecream perhaps? And how amazing it is to see you make that move when you kick and lift your tummy up, you look so strong and mighty sometimes people would mistakingly think that you are a boy. 

Oh sweet Sabel! You're a dream baby! I've never had so much smiles coming back at me in a day. You are my sweetest sunshine. 

I can't seem to put into words how you've brought that light to us. Even your sister Julia has grown fond of you, always demanding of you and always wanting.

I've always admired how you without a doubt smile back at me when Julia is having a bad-hair day. Sometimes I feel that you get me, where I am at and whatever I am feeling. Your comforting smile does the trick and one has got to see it when the magic happens for them to understand what I'm saying. 

I can't wait for us three to lay on a blanket and have our tea parties one after the other, simply enjoying and overly excited all the time. 

You and your sister are my precious gems and I am beaming with pride to be your mother.

Time does fly. You're three months old already and you've given so much joy to us. 

I find myself wanting for the sun to shine now, for you to wake up in a glorious morning as I joyfully sing to you my song, "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine..." To which you fully acknowledge my presence as you flash the sweetest and purest smile there is. 

I love you so much, Sabel!

Always,

Mama

Goodbye Chesi!

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, For the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 9:14

Julia has lost a cousin and a playmate but then heaven has gained a beautiful angel to watch over us all. 

Her funeral yesterday was beautiful. My heart is full as I feel for her parents. Julia insisted on coming as she wants to say goodbye to her too. 

I told her that Chesi is now an angel to which she replied, "oh Mama! Jessi is in heaven now because she has wings."

From a 3 year old, I rest my case. I need not explain. The thought is there and I wouldn't want to change a thing. She calls her Jessi by the way...

Good bye Chesi!

Please watch over your Dada, Mama and Ate Meya. Pray for them and pray for us too.

We love you!