Always a charm at 10 months.

As I sit in this cozy bed covered with floral cottony fabric, I smile. Here you are, so huge and asleep, like a bear - my cuddly bear. You look so peaceful with eyes completely shut. Not minding the chaos everyone is creating outside. It won’t be too long when you will be joining them too. 

Oh Clara, as you turn 10 months old, I cannot help but feel a tad scared of what’s about to come. You will turn one in two months! I cannot imagine I have three girls. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that there’s three of you. You, the littlest one of them all, with not so tiny fingers anymore. Huge arms and legs like a gladiator and a face so angelic and precious. 

I am so proud of you for persevering the art of crawling. You can now crawl but you aren’t a fan of it. You like it more when you’re being prompted up to walk. 

I love it when you start to mingle and how happily you react to strangers. 

I am now slowly planning for your first birthday and still am completely clueless on what it is going to be.

I sometimes tell myself how great your journey is from coming out way too soon and looking all so precious and fragile to now, being so chunky and huge. I am so proud of you my love. 

It won’t be long now, you will have your very first Christmas and shortly your first birthday. 

Thank you so much for always being happy and charming! Thank you for always cheering us up with your joyful energy. And thank you for always keeping up with your sisters even though they smother you up with so much warm hugs, kisses and love.

I love you always,

Mama

600 presents, good things and plenty.

I left home with the saddest and funniest story to tell. 

It was a Thursday night when I told my first born Julia that I was leaving for the next day for a short trip to Manila for a Mama’s Day Off which rarely happens to me. She took it so hard that she cried her heart out leaving me feeling torn and broken. She, at the age of almost five has a mind of her own and clearly is a boss at home. She tells me between sobs and not-so-gentle cries that I am a bad parent for the reason that I am leaving my children. I explained to her so many things that I too, need a break and need to recharge so I will have energy again. She does not buy any of my reasons and shuts me out by saying, “you hurt my feelings, Mama”. 

She tells me that I need to just stay at home and take care of them and fix things. 

Oh Julia! 

She fell asleep crying as I told her about the story of The Nativity. 

The next day, she wakes up like a raging bull telling me to just stay at home and not leave. 

By mid morning she finally lets go of the idea of me staying so she tells me that “okay, Mama, you can go, but you need to come back and bring me 600 presents”. 

600 presents. 

Oh, she doesn’t literally mean that much. All she knows is that 600 is a lot. 

So here I am, spending my last day in Manila and still in search of little things that can possibly charm her. 

Sabel on the other hand, is all smiles when I talk to her over video calls but always get teary eyed when I say goodbye.

When asked what she wants from here, she quickly tells me, “maaaa”. Her love for animals is simply amazing. 

The littlest one of all completely stares at me over video calls and is completely unaware of where I am, but I do miss her so. 

I miss my girls so much but Im so grateful for this little break. 

Thank you Dear God for making this happen. 

As I return home tomorrow, I promised my girls to decorate our little home with Christmas ornaments and hang their stockings too. 

I can’t wait to hug and smell them one by one. 

Thank you Dear God for good things and plenty... 

Beautiful tears.

No. It’s not the time of the month, yet. But today specifically, I turn out to be so emotional and weak on the knees.

At 5 in the afternoon, I went to church to hear mass with family. It wasn’t just an ordinary day. It was the feast of Our Lady of Hope.

During the homily, the priest said so many beautiful and desolate recollections about the typhoon, which transpired 4 years ago. I couldn’t help but contemplate of my own memory and my own flashback about Typhoon Haiyan.

As he was reliving that very day and the countless miracles that he later discovered throughout stories and accounts of victims, I couldn’t help but feel so emotional that I shed a tear or two – beautiful tears.

Since that typhoon, I too, among many others have since detached from worldly things. I straightaway decide which is which – a want or a need. Since then, I have less doubts and little fear of the unknown. I’ve become strong and my faith has become deeper.

As we ended the mass, I couldn’t contain my sense of gladness. I thank the Lord that we were all kept safe. I thank Our Lady as well for all that I had during that day was my faith - I sang Hail Mary as I put Julia to slumber; Julia was 11 months old at that time.

So no. It’s not the time of the month just yet.

Its not your average type of day either.

Because exactly 4 years ago today, I have changed the way I live and see the world.

I shed a tear or two, but they are beautiful tears that have kept me grounded and my faith stronger.

Gratitude is the memory of the heart.

This year has been filled with so much to be thankful for. 

Our blessings are countless and God has been and is always so good to us. Each day is different from the other and for that I am always grateful. 

Each of us is sent from above to have a purpose in this lifetime. We find meaning in the lives we have been bestowed with. 

I never thought that I would be chosen to become your Mama. Never in my wildest imagination did I think that you would become my first born - my first darling. 

I am so lucky to have you. 

You taught me so much in life. 

You made me a strong woman and my life has changed wholeheartedly ever since you were born.

I owe my life’s biggest accomplishment to you - that is, becoming a mother. 

Thank you for the love that you continuously shower me and Daddy with.

Thank you for extending your patience when mine is nearly ending.

Thank you for always helping me with your sisters even at the wee morning hours. 

Thank you for your humor and your sweetness that light me and everyone up always.

As dwarfism awareness month comes to an end, I knock on your big hearts and kind souls to always be gentle and spread kindness from within. You may not know what kind of battle each person you meet has been struggling with. Kindness generates grateful hearts. Together we can make this world a much better place for you, for me and for people who’s small but then that’s just all.

Cruisin' at nine months.

Oh how wonderful this month has turned out to be! 

First, you've successfully learned to stand up when being prompted and finally have started to cruise along your play pen. And how joyful you are by doing so.

I am always beaming with pride when people notice how significantly you've grown over the past months thinking how tiny you first came to life. You are my butterball and my charming baby.

Your laugh is so contagious and how I relish it when I tickle you at your giggle points. Your eyes glimmer when you smile just like your sisters. I particularly love how all your eyes seem to twinkle every time you smile. Those pure and innocent eyes takes all the burdens away. It brings so much comfort and it truly warms my heart that saying no would be the hardest thing in the world. 

I am starting to feed you some protein in the form of chicken liver and somehow you like it. Slowly and carefully, I am adding a bit of flavor to your everyday food. I am so pleased that you simply eat whatever is set for you. You’ve started to snack on cereal puffs and milky crackers as well. 

You've started to emulate your sister's habit of letting out a soft cry when attention is not in your favor. I hope you will not grow up to become. Because I am certainly not fond of it. Please understand that there are times that Mama isn’t in tip-toe shape. I’ve been struggling too on how adulting and parenting can be oh-so-hard all at once. Nevertheless, my love for you three is always bursting and will never ever cease.

 

Look at those eyes!

 

My beautiful butterball.

 Here you are with - Daddy.

 

Oh Clara! For always – I love you to the moon and back.

Love,

Mama

Eight beautiful months with you...

Dearest Clara,

Days and nights with you has been great this month. Nights especially when all you do is sleep after feeding and just sleep. Thank you for allowing mama to rest and take naps in between our busy nights when Sabel is all cries and baubles. 

This month has been especially yummy as I introduced you to berries. You've seem to like it by far and I wish it'll be the same when your big and start to be a picky eater (I pray you will never be). 

When you turned 8 months, you started to look a lot like Julia when she was your age. I smile in a certain disbelief because you both look so much a like. 

This month too, we started to prompt you to sit and stand which you very much enjoyed. You enjoy standing tall alongside your crib and watching how the minutes unfold especially when your two sisters are around doing their own thing. At times you fall down and create a frown to your much disappointment. But you gladly smile when being prompted again. Oh how charming you always are!

You enjoy morning strolls with Sabel and at times afternoon strolls with your sisters. Sabel has been so fond of animals that she visits the sheep from our neighbor's yard almost every morning. I hope you'll grow up to be fond of animals just like her. Julia on the other hand has been so lady like and very organized. I too, wish that you'll grow up to get some sprinkling of her kindness. 

I pray that you'll be able to talk real soon. When you can start babbling some baby words. When you can finally say Mama and Dada the least. 

Here you are with your beautiful sisters.

I love you so much my little giant! 

To the moon and beyond, always!

Love,

Mama

Seven months.

This month has been mild and tough all together. 

It started with a bang. 

There was this 6.5 magnitude earthquake that shook us like crazy. 

A week after that, you suffered from Chicken Pox and it's not fun at all. Your face was all covered with tiny spots of red and it didn't look pain free to me. I am so sorry you had to get it firsthand. On the bright side, you are so done with Chicken Pox and you will never ever have to experience that again.

This month too, I started to feed you and I am one proud Mama for making you eat clean and healthy food. So far, you started with the usual fruits like Banana, Mango, Avocado, Pear and Apple. You also favored Oats over Quinoa but still ate the later with excitement. You've tried Carrots, Squash, Zucchini and Spinach amongst other vegetables. I am so happy that you get giddy when you see your pink spoon and bowl. Your appetite is always big and jolly. I pray that it'll remain like that. 

I've tried to make you go out for morning and afternoon strolls so you can take all the fresh air. I've been so keen on making you live a super clean environment because you are a pre-term baby but because you are now 7 months old, I will loosely release the rein on you, for you to better appreciate the world and just because your body needs it too. 

You have grown so much, your body is so full and round. Everybody tells me that you look like a Buddha, a smiling one at that. You have been so friendly nowadays, your smile melts my heart as your eyes lit up with joy. 

It won't be long now that you will be able to sit on your own and stand on your own. I am just deeply overwhelmed that you can roll over now as we have been waiting for it for so long and at times you sleep on your side at night and turn freely on your own elect. 

Just don't grow up too fast, Clara. Because I will miss the precious baby that you are now. 

I love you always,

Mama