Goodbye little one.

This morning I had to go out and feel the sun on my skin. I needed to feel something new because this past few days has been heart wrenching and tormenting to say the least. 

A little sunshine is always good. Good for the mind, soul and heart. 

Oh the heart! The heart that needs mending. 

If only I had supernatural powers. If only I can rewind the past and get all the bad elements that slowly unfold. 

If only I can bring back Vino. Alive and breathing... if only.

My heart bleeds for my sister and my best friend and her husband who has gone so much these past few weeks. So much is an understatement. 

He came out loosely swaddled in hospital garments looking like a newborn baby only he isn't breathing anymore. I asked my cousin if I could carry my nephew just because. I slowly scooped him out of her hands and held him close to me as tears kept falling from my eyes. He was big and his hands were fat and I held them both. 

There was sadness for most days.

The next time I ever held my nephew was when I had to transfer him into a wooden box fit for a young baby as we lay him into his final rest. This time, his fat fingers were ice cold and he shrank a tad bit. I lay him on a monogrammed receiving blanket and swaddled him tight with a light blue rosary on his fat little hands. 

It was time to say goodbye. 

Oh Vino! Please pray for us all here on Earth. Please watch over your Papa and Mama who has longed for your presence. Please let them feel that you are okay in God's loving embrace. 

To know more about my sister's story, please visit her site https://lifeaftersalvino.tumblr.com/ and show some love. 

On your second month, Clara.

With each passing day, slowly you've put on some weight here and there. You've become a little cherubim of joy and peace. 

Seeing you every day and doing all things together makes me want to keep you as tiny as you can ever be - simply a baby. 

You've been the most easy baby to deal with ever. And I just pray that you will stay the same way growing up alongside your two sisters.

Waiting for our flight at Ormoc Airport. 

As you turn two months, you've been to Cebu and even rode an airplane already. We went to see an ENT doctor and have your right ear checked. Results came out to our favor and I am so happy to tick it out of my worries. 

One fine day.

Our days are always short but happy. We might not be able to go places as of now but our dreams are big and coming. 

Our mornings may not be always filled with sunshine but you shine like the sun and that is enough to brighten our day. 

I may forget to note your very first smile, chuckle or laugh but never will I forget how you made me and daddy happy.

I may not be able to cuddle you at times when Sabel wants to snuggle at the middle of the night but please know that I will never love you less. All you little girls make up for the most of me. You complete Daddy and me. 

I love you to the moon and back, Clara,

Love,

Mama 

The first 30 days has gone by...

Dearest Clara, 

  

Over the past 30 days, I've come to know you a little - a little but enough to understand your likes and dislikes. 

Let me begin to tell you how grateful I am to the heavens above for taking care of us - For healing us both fast and fully. For giving me milk on the second day of your life, which sounds so impossible but yes, because I prayed, so hard, there was milk for you. 

Because a lot of people were praying for us both, we had the healing that was so fast, I am beyond thankful to Jesus. We both came out of that experience so strong. You see little girl, you were believed to come out by February, instead, you came out way too early, ending 2016 with a bang. I will certainly not forget our first few hours together because it was the first time I experienced labor pains. 

Taking care of you has been so satisfying. I feel like I'm starting to become a pro at motherhood. You make mama duties seem so easy-going. 

Amongst all my three babies, you are the one I am mostly hands-on with minimal help from family. I applauded myself for not worrying anyone for our first 30 days together. I settled with my motherly instinct in nurturing you and I simply cannot believe that it’s been 30 days.

I find myself staring at you always, carefully examining you, from head to toe and vice versa. I especially love it when we hold hands; I feel that there is a bond beyond measure, one that only a mother can tell.

I am always caught up sinking in your baby smell, taking it all in for what seems like milk, body wash and powder all together. The scent of milk from your breath is so pure. The smell is so divine, so honest and sincere.

I watch you sensibly as you sleep and do your hourly stretches, like every mother, I am always in admiration looking at you. You make the sleepless nights seem less tiring.

Time has a way of telling us what truly matters and what is important. I have realized that I am so lucky to be a mama to you and your sisters.

Let me tell you how I love your energy that is so calming and constantly at peace. I haven’t heard you let out a loud cry ever yet nor did I have trouble putting you to sleep. Its always easy breezy with you Dear Clara. And I will forever give thanks to God for giving me a very good baby to deal with.

You’ve been nothing but love and light, my precious angel. I wish, hope and pray that you will grow up keen like Julia and as cheerful as Sabel. I know that time will just pass and before we know it, you girls will be having the time of your lives. But for now, let me relish the moment and savor all the memories of you as a baby. Let me have the sleepless nights for now, let me teach you how to pray and show you how it works most of the time, let me tell you how precious and gentle you are and let me tell you how beautiful the world is and that you too shall explore it soon…

I love you to the moon and back, Clara!

Love,

Mama

Thank you to my cousin Liane for taking lovely photos of Clara. 

For you, Sabel.

As I make this note, I can feel your not-so-gentle kicks any longer. Your movement has become stronger each passing day. Makes me want to believe that you would want to help me as I fill in this space in honor of you. Oh Sabel, in 5 weeks, we will meet you and hold you in our very arms. Daddy and Mama can't wait to see you, your darling and sweet sister, Julia can't wait to see you either. She is always enthusiastic after every doctor's appointment in questioning me if I've given birth to you. 

Your kicks and somersaults are making me feel you are ready for the world. 

In tribute of Mama's wonderful pregnancy experience with you, I've decided to ask someone to take snippets of myself carrying you, along with Daddy and your sister Julia. 

One day, you will look back at these beautiful photographs and probably smile. For once, you were just a tiny growing bud in Mama's tummy. And by the time you will learn to browse upon Mama's little curve, you will be a fine lady, the least. 

This is for you Sabel, from all of us who loves you so...

 Happiness is on the way...

 You're first breath will take ours away, Sabel.

"The most precious jewels you'll ever have around your neck are the arms of your children."

"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."

Soon, there will be four of us. 

"Its the little memories that will last a lifetime."

"My little girl yesterday, my best friend today and my daughter forever."

"To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today."

 I am because you are...

I love you in the morning and in the afternoon, I love you in the evening and underneath the moon...

See you real soon our dearest Sabel. 

We love you, to the moon and back!

Love,

Daddy, Mama and Julia

On your 11th month...

Dearest Julia,

This is it. A month from now and you will be a year old. I cannot imagine how time went by so fast. We made it through and through, Darling. We made it through.

You have inspired me so much to become the best person that I can be. You have taught me what real love is all about. You have taught me to become patient and more loving. You have taught me to value and enjoy the little things life has to offer.

Because you are blossoming to be big girl now, Mama is going to inspire you with some thoughts that I will instill to you one day.

We’ve been through so much already that I can easily imagine that we are like warriors of some sort. We have to be the strongest warrior there is, Julia. Our journey isn’t over yet. Everyday, we continue to take a leap towards the future. We have to keep moving forward. We have to continue to welcome the positive energy that the beautiful world has to offer.

Lets take everything one day at a time. Each day is filled with so much happiness and mystery. Each day we welcome new things and learn new beginnings. At the end of the day, what matters is how we spent it – beautifully. Let all the days of your life be beautiful and happy. Always let go of the worries and try not to let your eyebrows do the talking (like you oftentimes do). Worry is useless.

Always take time to smell the flowers, kiss the sun, dance under the rain, run across the fields and roll over and over the green grass. Just be careful not to hurt yourself. Mama has been a lover of nature and the trees amongst others. I want you to be the same. Plant a tree.

Always practice kindness. In all ways, be kind. You never know what kind of battle the person next to you is struggling with.

Be prayerful. God answers prayers. He listens when nobody does. We have a great God, Julia. He gave me you. You’re the best gift that He has given me.

Be grateful to everybody who has learned to love and care for you. People have been so inspired with your story and I would want you to be grateful to them just because.

Never quit. I know sometimes, you feel like giving up. At times, it may seem impossible for you to reach a goal – never give up. Keep trying, sweetheart.

I can go on and on and someday my list will keep getting longer. Someday, you will all understand where Mama is coming from.

Just smile. Smile at your worries. Smile at your fears.

And when all else fails (just in case it does) – always remember that you’ve got me and I’ve got you.

The end.

To my lovely girl on your 10th month.

 Dearest Julia,

Days have passed since our quick and easy trip to Cebu. Mama is very happy because your brace has been partially removed. You’ll only get to wear them 8 hours a day and luckily for us, we don’t have to wear it during bedtime. I am so proud of you for enduring all these months of recuperation. You are one tough girl!

As you turn 10 months old, let me tell you how marvelous you are!

• -       You now have a total of 6 teeth. 4 on the upper side and 2 on the lower side.
• -       You babble words like there’s no end to babbling and I totally love how you babble Ma..ma..ma..
• -       Technically, your first word is “Papa” and your Daddy couldn’t be happier.
• -       You get so mischievous and naughty when you have something you really really want. And when the person next to you utters, “give me” you squeal to the sound of it leaving the room full of laughter and cheers.
• -       You are now wearing SMALL sized diapers. It used to be newborn size for a quite a long time. It only shows that you are now a big girl! Bravo!
• -       You have mastered CLAP YOUR HANDS so well. It makes me overjoyed how smart you are at some tricks.
• -       You can now wave “goodbye”, a trick you learned just before you went off to dream land.  You are an amazing baby!
• -       You certainly know everyone already. You know when someone is a stranger or not. 
• -       You have the most wandering eyes. Eyes that sparkle each time you smile, Eyes that are full of fury when you get mad. Eyes that is bursting with knowledge. And eyes that make me melt all the time.
• -       You have mastered the art of eating. You know what you want. You have tried almost everything already and for that I am proud of us both. Mighty proud.
• -       Your PAVLIK Harness has been partially removed my dear. You are now wearing it 8 hours a day only leaving the bedtime free off your brace. And because of this, you can now roll over your tummy and back. You seem to love it so much – you smile with delight. And not just that, you can now lift your head way up with the palm on your hands touching the mattress. I love it how you do such thing – it makes me feel oh-so-proud of you, Julia.
• -       You love to watch your ABC’s DVD. You don’t want anyone to bother you when it is being played. You are so attentive and so much more. I know one day, you’ll be the smartest kid in school.
• -       You love it when we read a book or two for you. You listen and then mumble words as if you are reading with us too. The mere thought of it keeps me giggling. It simply is the cutest thing ever.
• -       And lastly, probably the most important milestone this month is that you are now officially weaned out from Mama’s milk. I am so proud of you my dear! As I write this, its close to 5 weeks that you are breast-milk free.

  

Oh Julia! I can go on with all the wonderful things this month has to offer with all your delightful ways…

But I must not forget that somewhere along our journey, there are lots of people, some I know, more often than not, strangers, who leaves us inspiring messages. These people have encouraged me to keep on writing to you month after month. They make Mama strong too. I may not know them personally, but I know that they care about us, about our journey.

So, now, I’m sharing some of their lovely thoughts, may it inspire you too one day…

shalinirelwani

@mariaritablanca she will excel in more ways than one and no one can achieve what she can achieve. :) to a mother our child is the most precious thing in this world and nothing or no one can change that feeling :) God bless Julia she is gonna be an amazing woman

juliefdcruz

I got teary-eyed when I read your blog, Ric. Our child will always be the most precious gift we could ever have. By that alone, we are so blessed! :) Julia will be an amazing woman as she is already now and that is because she has so much love around her. I'm hoping to meet you one day and your beautiful bundle of joy. You are such a wonderful person. Full of positivity! Just shun all the negatives, they won't do any good. God bless you and your beautiful family! 👪💕🙏🌈😘

carentorres_rama

Very nice @mariaritablanca . I got teary eyed while reading your blog. It would be nice if you could print & frame it together w/ this picture so Julia can read it over & over again when she grows up. 😊

lucytgomez

@mariaritablanca So beautiful Ric! Brought tears to my eyes. God could not have picked a more perfect mother for Baby Julia. She is a beautiful blessing to the entire family, in every way that truly matters.

love_dressup

Be blessed always baby julia ;) u will always be in my prayers! Ur smile/laugh is contagious 👼

marilu_g1212

The cast is serving as an anchor for her to be able to lift her head, strengthening the neck muscles in the process. Romans 8:28 says 'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.' Julia is God's beloved child, the apple of His eye and He has a special, unique purpose for her. :) @mariaritablanca

lizamagdamit

God bless you julia ;) continue to be cheerful, spreading smiles and giggles. 🌸🌸🌸

apo_ni_julit

hello..thanks for accepting my request;).. @mariaritablanca..I spent the morning reading your blog..and I love everything.. especially the one's about baby Julia..you're an A.W.E.S.O.M.E mom!!..handsdown to you for being so amazing and positive despite what ur going through..you are a super mom..I really admire you!...Julia is so lucky to have you..and vice versa...with all the goodness of your heart, God bless you more!!♥♥♥..

msros

So they say that babies speak their heart and express their emotions through their eyes... Well this little angel's eyes sure is overflowing.......

oshinvega

You are both lucky to have each other. @mariaritablanca 👩👶 You may not know it #julia but you inspire alot of us with your bravery. I'll always pray for you sweetie.. 🙏

irvie20

I am a fan to both of you..The battle that you have been through with your baby and the happy face that Julia is showing all the time is just so inspiring..Dealing with a baby alone is not easy the more if their is something else that you dealt with..I don't know you personally but I felt your joy,continentment and and battle..Maybe because being a mother as well we tackle different journeys in life..And you are absolutely right everything is not easy but because you have each other everything will turn out fine..May God continue to Bless your Adorable baby Julia and your family always...@mariaritablanca