Gratitude is the memory of the heart.

This year has been filled with so much to be thankful for. 

Our blessings are countless and God has been and is always so good to us. Each day is different from the other and for that I am always grateful. 

Each of us is sent from above to have a purpose in this lifetime. We find meaning in the lives we have been bestowed with. 

I never thought that I would be chosen to become your Mama. Never in my wildest imagination did I think that you would become my first born - my first darling. 

I am so lucky to have you. 

You taught me so much in life. 

You made me a strong woman and my life has changed wholeheartedly ever since you were born.

I owe my life’s biggest accomplishment to you - that is, becoming a mother. 

Thank you for the love that you continuously shower me and Daddy with.

Thank you for extending your patience when mine is nearly ending.

Thank you for always helping me with your sisters even at the wee morning hours. 

Thank you for your humor and your sweetness that light me and everyone up always.

As dwarfism awareness month comes to an end, I knock on your big hearts and kind souls to always be gentle and spread kindness from within. You may not know what kind of battle each person you meet has been struggling with. Kindness generates grateful hearts. Together we can make this world a much better place for you, for me and for people who’s small but then that’s just all.

Three little girls and a grateful heart.

I find myself wanting some more time, for time to be still and just not fleet away. I clasp my hands in prayer and tell the heavens "not yet, not just yet". But the heavens and His plan isn't in my favor. I prayed some more, the more unfavorable returns I get next. So, I let go. Let Him.

There was pain. At one point it was immeasurable but totality it was a war against mind over matter, the mind playing its tricks on you. I had to remain calm. I had to claim that peace within me, of all that's left from my 3 girls, one who just turned 4 and acts like she's 10 and the bubbly one who's like a giant but actually is still a baby at 14 months and the littlest of them all who at barely 2 months has been my peace and calm these past few weeks.

Oh boy where did time go?

At times, I can't believe, still at this point overwhelmed that I bore 3 children. All of which are girls, beautiful ones, comparable to the sunshine and the light it gives. And at times the stronger ray of light that consumes you from within. 

Sleep deprived as I am, I find minute naps as magic, one that recharges you but really, not completely. I look at the mirror and all I can see are tired, puffy eyes and acne all over. Where did my happy skin go? And who is this girl I see? I don't like the "me" that I see to be honest. I want her to have a major make-over, one that boosts her esteem back.

Motherhood is no joke, most especially when you take it seriously as I am. Oftentimes, I find myself battling over guilty feelings if I had been an equally good mother to the three of them. And at times, I say, give yourself a break. But really, a break is an understatement. Just a few minutes of peace and quiet is like a luxury, only mothers out there can tell. 

I've been wanting to do so much but two hands is just not enough. Day to day, I've been wanting to accomplish many things from my to do list, but nothing seems to be done. 

So this is my life, I say. The language of love I give to my girls is probably acts of service. I am not complaining about what I do from day to day. I am just sharing my everyday musings. 

And so, I submit myself to prayer, thanking Him for all that has been and for telling him that I do want more but really grateful that I have enough. 

I've been told that I, wanting more is okay. But I have what it takes to get the tough days going. I have something that maybe you guys will never have. I have three little girls and a grateful heart. And for me, that's more than enough than all the richness in the world. 

To my lovely girl on your 10th month.

 Dearest Julia,

Days have passed since our quick and easy trip to Cebu. Mama is very happy because your brace has been partially removed. You’ll only get to wear them 8 hours a day and luckily for us, we don’t have to wear it during bedtime. I am so proud of you for enduring all these months of recuperation. You are one tough girl!

As you turn 10 months old, let me tell you how marvelous you are!

• -       You now have a total of 6 teeth. 4 on the upper side and 2 on the lower side.
• -       You babble words like there’s no end to babbling and I totally love how you babble Ma..ma..ma..
• -       Technically, your first word is “Papa” and your Daddy couldn’t be happier.
• -       You get so mischievous and naughty when you have something you really really want. And when the person next to you utters, “give me” you squeal to the sound of it leaving the room full of laughter and cheers.
• -       You are now wearing SMALL sized diapers. It used to be newborn size for a quite a long time. It only shows that you are now a big girl! Bravo!
• -       You have mastered CLAP YOUR HANDS so well. It makes me overjoyed how smart you are at some tricks.
• -       You can now wave “goodbye”, a trick you learned just before you went off to dream land.  You are an amazing baby!
• -       You certainly know everyone already. You know when someone is a stranger or not. 
• -       You have the most wandering eyes. Eyes that sparkle each time you smile, Eyes that are full of fury when you get mad. Eyes that is bursting with knowledge. And eyes that make me melt all the time.
• -       You have mastered the art of eating. You know what you want. You have tried almost everything already and for that I am proud of us both. Mighty proud.
• -       Your PAVLIK Harness has been partially removed my dear. You are now wearing it 8 hours a day only leaving the bedtime free off your brace. And because of this, you can now roll over your tummy and back. You seem to love it so much – you smile with delight. And not just that, you can now lift your head way up with the palm on your hands touching the mattress. I love it how you do such thing – it makes me feel oh-so-proud of you, Julia.
• -       You love to watch your ABC’s DVD. You don’t want anyone to bother you when it is being played. You are so attentive and so much more. I know one day, you’ll be the smartest kid in school.
• -       You love it when we read a book or two for you. You listen and then mumble words as if you are reading with us too. The mere thought of it keeps me giggling. It simply is the cutest thing ever.
• -       And lastly, probably the most important milestone this month is that you are now officially weaned out from Mama’s milk. I am so proud of you my dear! As I write this, its close to 5 weeks that you are breast-milk free.

  

Oh Julia! I can go on with all the wonderful things this month has to offer with all your delightful ways…

But I must not forget that somewhere along our journey, there are lots of people, some I know, more often than not, strangers, who leaves us inspiring messages. These people have encouraged me to keep on writing to you month after month. They make Mama strong too. I may not know them personally, but I know that they care about us, about our journey.

So, now, I’m sharing some of their lovely thoughts, may it inspire you too one day…

shalinirelwani

@mariaritablanca she will excel in more ways than one and no one can achieve what she can achieve. :) to a mother our child is the most precious thing in this world and nothing or no one can change that feeling :) God bless Julia she is gonna be an amazing woman

juliefdcruz

I got teary-eyed when I read your blog, Ric. Our child will always be the most precious gift we could ever have. By that alone, we are so blessed! :) Julia will be an amazing woman as she is already now and that is because she has so much love around her. I'm hoping to meet you one day and your beautiful bundle of joy. You are such a wonderful person. Full of positivity! Just shun all the negatives, they won't do any good. God bless you and your beautiful family! 👪💕🙏🌈😘

carentorres_rama

Very nice @mariaritablanca . I got teary eyed while reading your blog. It would be nice if you could print & frame it together w/ this picture so Julia can read it over & over again when she grows up. 😊

lucytgomez

@mariaritablanca So beautiful Ric! Brought tears to my eyes. God could not have picked a more perfect mother for Baby Julia. She is a beautiful blessing to the entire family, in every way that truly matters.

love_dressup

Be blessed always baby julia ;) u will always be in my prayers! Ur smile/laugh is contagious 👼

marilu_g1212

The cast is serving as an anchor for her to be able to lift her head, strengthening the neck muscles in the process. Romans 8:28 says 'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.' Julia is God's beloved child, the apple of His eye and He has a special, unique purpose for her. :) @mariaritablanca

lizamagdamit

God bless you julia ;) continue to be cheerful, spreading smiles and giggles. 🌸🌸🌸

apo_ni_julit

hello..thanks for accepting my request;).. @mariaritablanca..I spent the morning reading your blog..and I love everything.. especially the one's about baby Julia..you're an A.W.E.S.O.M.E mom!!..handsdown to you for being so amazing and positive despite what ur going through..you are a super mom..I really admire you!...Julia is so lucky to have you..and vice versa...with all the goodness of your heart, God bless you more!!♥♥♥..

msros

So they say that babies speak their heart and express their emotions through their eyes... Well this little angel's eyes sure is overflowing.......

oshinvega

You are both lucky to have each other. @mariaritablanca 👩👶 You may not know it #julia but you inspire alot of us with your bravery. I'll always pray for you sweetie.. 🙏

irvie20

I am a fan to both of you..The battle that you have been through with your baby and the happy face that Julia is showing all the time is just so inspiring..Dealing with a baby alone is not easy the more if their is something else that you dealt with..I don't know you personally but I felt your joy,continentment and and battle..Maybe because being a mother as well we tackle different journeys in life..And you are absolutely right everything is not easy but because you have each other everything will turn out fine..May God continue to Bless your Adorable baby Julia and your family always...@mariaritablanca

To my dearest Julia on your 4th month.

 Dearest Julia,

Now that you have just turned 4 months old, people will start wondering, they might actually stare at you and some may whisper into each other’s ear on how and why peculiarly tiny you are.

Baby, let’s just let them be.

They are most probably mesmerized by your gorgeousness, your lovely nose, your lips so red and beautiful, your eyes so full and sparkling-bright, your now-flawless skin and your adorable smile and your wit – as sharp as it can be.  That alone can make them glower at you for hours.

Mama is so proud of you. By now, you can securely hold your water bottle in place. You open your mouth so wide when you see the medicine dropper coming your way with your yummy vitamins. And when Mama tells you that we ought to clean your tongue, you graciously open your mouth wide for me. Oh how wonderful you are!

You can now reach anything that is placed before you; you carefully get them with your strong hands, scrutinizing it gently and then placing it candidly to your mouth. Oh how you love licking and sucking your fingers all together that they make a funny slurping sound! Your grip is so firm and comforting that it makes my heart giggle every time you clench my finger upon feeding. You love to kick upon bathing that it makes me laugh so hard. You love the water baby, I can see that now.

You also have discovered shouting. You love to screech my dear, which makes us all laugh.

You are so attentive when I read to you the books we have. I know in my heart that you will be so brilliant baby.

You don’t want your socks or your blanket at nighttime. Oh how you embrace the cold!

Mamita has taught you little tricks like letting your tongue out and you have very well mastered that already. She later taught you how to play with your saliva and you perfectly obliged as well, though at times, you choke a little – in the cutest way there is.

As I always say, that you should smile to everyone that greets you and comes your way – you never disappoint. You brighten up each person’s morning whenever you flash your lovely and toothless grin, baby. You make people happy. You are a joyful baby my love. The first thing you do when you wake up in the morning or even from a short nap is smile at me and to anyone in the room. You make me so proud, sweetheart!

At 4 months, you are the sweetest thing there is!

You will always hear people saying how small you are now; please do not be offended by them.

Dr. Seuss once said that a person is a person no matter how small.

You may be small but your voice is like that of Goliath’s.

You may be small but you are the biggest blessing to Daddy and Mama’s life. Because of you, our lives got better.

You may be small, but we will dream big together.

We will conquer the world in the cutest way possible.

You and me – hand in hand, fingers clasping together - We will always be.

We love you, Julia! 

The Final Stretch.

Like Christmas, the journey through motherhood is anything but joyful amidst the bump and turns along the way.

I cannot imagine that in a few weeks or perhaps days, I will become a mother. The feeling is just indescribable. Nothing can quite compare to it. The joy that I am feeling right now is so extraordinary that sometimes the pain and discomfort that accompanies giving birth seems easy breezy.

I’ve sacrificed so much for Baby Julia and now that I am nearly there – the final stretch… All I can say is that everything is absolutely worth it!

Baby Julia, I cannot wait to hold you in my arms. 

What makes you happy?

I am embracing life’s simple pleasures amidst my pregnancy condition of being in a bed rest state. It is hard. But in the 4 months that I’ve been housed in our bedroom, I have found little things that make me smile, happy and excited. It’s not that hard after all. But it’s not that easy too…

I am on my 21^st week of my pregnancy and have gained 21 pounds already. The numbers are quite horrifying I tell you. I’ve been thinking of that all day yesterday after my doctor’s visit but she talked sense out of me and now I am okay. I used to be an active person doing things here and there, always moving, always on the go. But now, I am stuck in bed with no major movement at all.  I know I will probably gain more and more but like everyone would say, it’s all worth it in the end. I am just so enthusiastic about our baby. As I write this entry, I can feel little joyful things moving in my belly. I am overjoyed.

What makes you happy?

I can probably go on and on with my list because there’s just too much of it. But I just want to be grateful for everything, that I want to remember it through my writing.

- Mornings. Oh how I love mornings! Waking up early seems to feel excruciating but I am one of the few early birds who catches the early worm. 

- Sunshine. The sun is the most beautiful thing that hurts. It hurts as you squint your eyes upon its glorious brilliance and beautiful as it sheds lovely tears when you look at it as it sets.

- Breakfast. I am a very morning person and I am always eager during my first meal of the day. They say, eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper.

- The Food Network. My husband Jules was so sweet when he decided to install Cignal HD for our viewing pleasure – in this case, mine specifically since I am home 24/7. What delights me is the food channel as I am a foodie myself. My favorites are Giada de Laurentis and Ina Garten. I love them both so dearly that I save most of their recipes that I will try someday.

- Visits. A friend, family, or anyone. Once our bedroom door opens, I am always on the verge of looking for who comes in. When you are at home most of the time, you feel joyful the most in the company of others. My favorite visitor would have to be Valiant, our nephew, who is undeniably smart and cute all together; and my sister Marki, who tells me mind-blowing stories.

- Yogurt and Granola. Its like Cookies and Cream. Enough said.

-  Salad and Greens. I know. Yuck right. But I love them. I’ve always been a salad eater. To basic vinaigrettes and those rich oil-based dressings – it doesn’t matter. My current picks are the Hearty Italian Salad and Asian Oriental with Mustard Dressing of Big Roy’s. They come in a nice take out box that falls in very much handy and resealable when you decide not to finish it right away.

-  Cookies. High-fiber ones. Or those with Oats at least. The last cookie I ate was Cranberry Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies by my cousin Amanda who makes yummy cookies. I miss my Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies though. Someday, I will get back on my baking.

- Blueberry Muffins and Cupcakes. Blueberries are good anti-oxidants. The muffin batter is bad. But they go oh-so-well together. I received a box of 6 muffins last month and I was so pleased by it. I sometimes eat it for breakfast with yogurt or snack on it on a lazy afternoon. Blueberry Muffins by Lorenzo’s Café are my favorite. On to Cupcakes - My favorite would have to be Chocolate Cupcakes with Chocolate frosting and Red Velvet Cupcakes. Who doesn’t love ‘em? When in doubt, always eat a cupcake. I know I have to stay away from Sweets ultimately. But there are just days when you feel like really eating them. I will try my very best to say goodbye from the deadly sweets as my weight is highly increasing. Boo.

- Cream of Pumpkin Soup. It has to be one of my favorite soups. It is full and creamy. One particular day, I craved for this soup and ordered it through my cousin Juni and I got the soup along with Sun-Dried Tomatoes and Homemade Bread Chips that they freshly made. I had it for lunch and dinner. Period.

- The art of gift-wrapping. Youtube, Pinterest, Tumblr, name it, you get lots and lots of ideas of how to do it yourself and make things pretty.

-  Ribbons. During our wedding last year, we received tons of gifts from everyone. They were all wrapped wonderfully. Of course, I saved and salvaged all the ribbons worth recycling because ribbons are not that cheap anymore, most especially the pretty ones. I placed them all in a paper bag and just recently I organized them by colors using old brown folders. It’s always good to be able to recycle and reuse them one day.

-  Flowers. Fresh only. I always have fresh flowers ever since I received a vase one Christmas. I would fill them up with orchids, birds of paradise or absolutely anything that I can find from my Mama’s garden and would finally place it on my bedside table. Up to now, the vase is still alive although the colors are a bit on the lighter side already from the many years it has withstand time.

-  Bookmarks and Envelopes. This is currently my darling past time. I find myself awake at midnight folding my envelopes and tucking them all together. It’s addicting. It makes me happy and accomplished. I wonder what to do with all the bookmarks and envelopes that I have made through time.

- Jules and Pregnancy. I have to admit. People around me are extra pleasant and careful. I love it. Especially how my husband treats me. He tells me I am beautiful despite my weight gain and my pimples and always wants to sleep very close to me that at times I have to push him away because my tummy is getting bigger and it is very hard to sleep already. He also annoys me at times when he bullies me and calls me ‘mother hen’ or ‘warrior’ for having broad shoulders and would compare me to the Olympians we see on TV. Yesterday, he went for a quick trip to Cebu and back and as he was on his way there, I sent him a text message saying, ‘I love you’. He replied ‘I love you both’. It totally made my heart melt. Isn’t that the sweetest thing?

- Camilla. She is my Papa’s niece and she is just the most precious thing ever. My Papa emailed me a photo of this cutie-patootie baby and he tells me that I should get the photograph printed and should place it on my bedside table so I would see it all the time. The sight of her makes me smile.

-  Power of Prayer. God listens all the time. I know a lot of people have been praying for my baby and myself; and I will always be grateful to them for such kindness. I in turn pray for family and friends most of whom are taking various exams; and to people whom I don’t know as well. Just recently, I joined the whole world in praying for the Philippines as flood was all over major towns and cities and was really bad. There will be better days. And God is always amazing!

-  The gift of laughter and bedtime stories. Jules and I talk about his day and mine before going to bed and we end up talking a lot. Sometimes, he would tell me horrible stories and some juicy ones. Laughter is the best medicine. And when you and your loved one laugh together, nothing compares to that wonderful feeling. It is priceless. The stars were definitely meant to be…

Have a Happy Weekend!