Better days to come.

It just turned 5:19 in the earliest of mornings (my mornings) one Saturday when I held my 3 precious angels beside me as we scout outside our room to give them another scenery, one that allows them to smell the grass (early morning dew smell warms my heart always) and give them more space to hurdle. Sabel and Clara had their fair share of cry outbursts simultaneously around 330 in the morning and I just couldn't put them back to sleep anymore. They both want to be cuddled and carried at some point and sadly, I only have my own pair of hands. I had to wake up my eldest Julia so she can help me and cheer up Clara who has been crying non-stop as I try to sway Sabel back to sleep. It worked for just a few minutes up until I had no more energy to sway, hum a lullaby and create a soothing face. And so I took them out. 

I waited for the sunrise to come up until I can call for help. My eyes were shutting down and watching them all three together who's sleepy, hungry and bored alone isn't really a wonderful thing anymore.

Oh how hard adulting is!

More so parenting in this conventional world I'm living in. 

I wish there was a pause button to breathe and rest. 

I wish I had a charger to plug myself into just to recharge my almost-empty battery life. 

So, yes, it's a little past five in the morning and I'm carrying my fidgety 6 month old baby, holding Sabel's shirt as she is fond of running around me and thanking Julia for a job well done for helping Mama. I look at the sunrise and quickly snap a photo to remind me of this day. 

I shall not forget that today, I held them all alone, my girls, my light and my hope for better days to come. 

A milestone, a little sorrow and always a joy at 6 months old.

My dearest butterball,

Like a perfect round of buttery goodness you are comparable to. You are Mama's charming child, forever smiling and cheerful, your smile melts my heart as your eyes never fail to twinkle when you smile. 

This month has been so heart wrenching for me and for most of us. The first day of the month set us to a bad start I must say, still, there's no room for negativity I always remind myself but for some reason, like a glorious and fleeting sunset, this month will never be forgotten for what it's worth.

It started when we lost your baby cousin Vino and the heart break it has left our hearts. I still cry whenever I think of him. I wonder if he sees us, sees you his youngest cousin to date. I wonder if he makes you smile when you giggle in your sleep.

He was gone too soon and was definitely too beautiful for earth.

I am telling you this my dearest Clara because I want you to put a smile on Tito Karl and Tita Ina's broken hearts. I want you to be their joy amidst their pain and sorrow. I want them to see hope in you. 

Like any other month too, we've had our fair share of colds and cough and a recent trip to your pediatrician. She tells me to have you checked soon as she might be sensing a little delay on our end. You see, at 6 months old, you should have rolled over your back and forth already. 

I prayed to the heavens to spare us from another consultation as it would require us to travel to Cebu and back. 

Right before the month came to an end and just before a few days till you turn 6 months old, the heavens must have heard my plea. It was a Sunday, shortly after lunch time when I had to change your diaper, that you gracefully turned to the side and rolled over, just like that. I immediately ran outside to tell everyone present about your milestone. I signaled your daddy who was watching me from afar about it as I did a happy dance in place. 

Oh Clara! How delighted I am that you finally rolled over. Now, the challenge is for you to come around. 

I am excited to feed you just right after you turn 6 months old. I have been silently planning the combination of fruits and vegetables I will be preparing for you.

I thank God for you and your sisters. This month has been tough and then I turn to you three and thank Jesus that you are all well, healthy and breathing. I pray that you three will help in healing Tito Karl and Tita Ina's loss as you complete their days with your loud squeals and your sister's laughter and chaos.

I love you to the moon and back!