Always a charm at 10 months.

As I sit in this cozy bed covered with floral cottony fabric, I smile. Here you are, so huge and asleep, like a bear - my cuddly bear. You look so peaceful with eyes completely shut. Not minding the chaos everyone is creating outside. It won’t be too long when you will be joining them too. 

Oh Clara, as you turn 10 months old, I cannot help but feel a tad scared of what’s about to come. You will turn one in two months! I cannot imagine I have three girls. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that there’s three of you. You, the littlest one of them all, with not so tiny fingers anymore. Huge arms and legs like a gladiator and a face so angelic and precious. 

I am so proud of you for persevering the art of crawling. You can now crawl but you aren’t a fan of it. You like it more when you’re being prompted up to walk. 

I love it when you start to mingle and how happily you react to strangers. 

I am now slowly planning for your first birthday and still am completely clueless on what it is going to be.

I sometimes tell myself how great your journey is from coming out way too soon and looking all so precious and fragile to now, being so chunky and huge. I am so proud of you my love. 

It won’t be long now, you will have your very first Christmas and shortly your first birthday. 

Thank you so much for always being happy and charming! Thank you for always cheering us up with your joyful energy. And thank you for always keeping up with your sisters even though they smother you up with so much warm hugs, kisses and love.

I love you always,

Mama

600 presents, good things and plenty.

I left home with the saddest and funniest story to tell. 

It was a Thursday night when I told my first born Julia that I was leaving for the next day for a short trip to Manila for a Mama’s Day Off which rarely happens to me. She took it so hard that she cried her heart out leaving me feeling torn and broken. She, at the age of almost five has a mind of her own and clearly is a boss at home. She tells me between sobs and not-so-gentle cries that I am a bad parent for the reason that I am leaving my children. I explained to her so many things that I too, need a break and need to recharge so I will have energy again. She does not buy any of my reasons and shuts me out by saying, “you hurt my feelings, Mama”. 

She tells me that I need to just stay at home and take care of them and fix things. 

Oh Julia! 

She fell asleep crying as I told her about the story of The Nativity. 

The next day, she wakes up like a raging bull telling me to just stay at home and not leave. 

By mid morning she finally lets go of the idea of me staying so she tells me that “okay, Mama, you can go, but you need to come back and bring me 600 presents”. 

600 presents. 

Oh, she doesn’t literally mean that much. All she knows is that 600 is a lot. 

So here I am, spending my last day in Manila and still in search of little things that can possibly charm her. 

Sabel on the other hand, is all smiles when I talk to her over video calls but always get teary eyed when I say goodbye.

When asked what she wants from here, she quickly tells me, “maaaa”. Her love for animals is simply amazing. 

The littlest one of all completely stares at me over video calls and is completely unaware of where I am, but I do miss her so. 

I miss my girls so much but Im so grateful for this little break. 

Thank you Dear God for making this happen. 

As I return home tomorrow, I promised my girls to decorate our little home with Christmas ornaments and hang their stockings too. 

I can’t wait to hug and smell them one by one. 

Thank you Dear God for good things and plenty... 

Beautiful tears.

No. It’s not the time of the month, yet. But today specifically, I turn out to be so emotional and weak on the knees.

At 5 in the afternoon, I went to church to hear mass with family. It wasn’t just an ordinary day. It was the feast of Our Lady of Hope.

During the homily, the priest said so many beautiful and desolate recollections about the typhoon, which transpired 4 years ago. I couldn’t help but contemplate of my own memory and my own flashback about Typhoon Haiyan.

As he was reliving that very day and the countless miracles that he later discovered throughout stories and accounts of victims, I couldn’t help but feel so emotional that I shed a tear or two – beautiful tears.

Since that typhoon, I too, among many others have since detached from worldly things. I straightaway decide which is which – a want or a need. Since then, I have less doubts and little fear of the unknown. I’ve become strong and my faith has become deeper.

As we ended the mass, I couldn’t contain my sense of gladness. I thank the Lord that we were all kept safe. I thank Our Lady as well for all that I had during that day was my faith - I sang Hail Mary as I put Julia to slumber; Julia was 11 months old at that time.

So no. It’s not the time of the month just yet.

Its not your average type of day either.

Because exactly 4 years ago today, I have changed the way I live and see the world.

I shed a tear or two, but they are beautiful tears that have kept me grounded and my faith stronger.